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The Business Of Child Abuse: The Good, The Bad, The Corruption

Posts Tagged ‘Corruption

Teens Happy Homes contract terminated.

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Teens Happy Homes contract terminated.

The Business of Child Abuse

By Joshua Allen

The county supervisors have voted to terminate the contract of Teens Happy Homes.  The closure of the corrupt agency, has been inevitable since the first Times article appeared weeks ago.

The highlight from the Times investigation were the transcripts, and actual audio excerpts,which were secretly recorded 3 years earlier, in 2010, by Askari Moyenda.  The recordings, memorandum of understanding, and links to the audit, have previously been posted.

What is new, and which will be linked here, is a copy of the deposition of Beautina Robinson by Mr. Moyenda.  

The deposition, which took place on August 28, 2012, is a bit tedious, especially since Ms. Robinson seems to be the only one represented by counsel.

But it does open a window into the type of individual written about here, and elsewhere, which sully the image of foster care in Los Angeles.

In the deposition, we learn that Ms. Robinson didn’t know if the county prohibited solicitations for personal gain,.  Also, she doesn’t recall if she received nearly $10k personally.

She can’t recall when she got a check for almost $10k? …     Huh?

Actually, Ms. Robinson says, “I don’t recall,” so frequently throughout the deposition, that one wonders what she actually did remember.

Robinson couldn’t recall for example, when she was asked what the qualifications were, when she became an executive director of a foster agency.

On another question, Ms. Robinson noted, that she learned that selling a non-profit was illegal, “During the process of this.”

Other enlightening tidbits, have to do with the qualifications of sitting board members, (presumably proof of life).

Near the end of the deposition, there is a long, twisted and rambling question and answer session, about what Ms. Robinson considers to be fraudulent, lying, misleading and misrepresentative, when she is communicating with board members.

Finally, towards the end of this confusing repartee, Mr. Moyenda asks:

Question:  “Okay.  Would you consider it fraud if you –if an administrator –if an executive –chief executive officer misled the board on the amount of donation that was given, would you consider that fraudulent?”

Answer:  “I refuse to answer that.”

We found it a bit more confusing (if that is possible), when Ms. Robinson was asked about her education.  She went to Oakwood Academy College, …”went to Indiana University and took some classes,” and has an “honorary doctorate degree.”

Then, the following questions and answers ensues:

Question:  “Slow down.  So you have what?  I’m sorry?”

Answer:  “An honorary doctorate degree.”

Question: “What does that mean?”

Answer:  “Just what I said.”

Question: “I don’t know what that means.”

Answer: “Well I don’t either.”

Question: “Is that related to any education?  Is the honorary degree related to any education?”

Answer: “Humanities.  I have a doctorate in humanities.”

At this point, Mr. Moyenda seems to be trying to get Ms. Robinson to state the honorary degree is useless.  Things ramble a bit, until he asks…

Question:  “Okay.  So there was no educational attachment to that honorary degree?  Yes or no?”

Answer:  “I don’t recall.”

Not exactly the Supreme court, or even Matlock, but one hopes the gist comes through.

There is a lot more, and it is a worthwhile read, if for no other reason then to highlight the lack of professionalism and utter incompetence we allow, by the people who run these places.  For that alone, the plaintiff has clearly done us a service.

One doubts however, the “pound of flesh,’ even when served cold, will bring much peace.

It is ironic that a foster child, whose entire life fits inside a plastic garbage bag, could shoplift a $50 IPOD, and get booked, fingerprinted, photographed, and tossed into jail.

Yet when previous corruption was exposed, similar, and in some cases much worse than the goings on at Teens Happy Homes, there was nothing more than a slap on the wrist to the perpetrators.

Currently, there are agencies in Los Angeles County, with similar proclivities.  Should there be no legal consequences for perpetrators, then crooked executives from other agencies, will know the only thing risked, is to be shut down.

Monies need not be paid back or returned, and there will be no incarceration, regardless of the extent of the malfeasence.

Money meant for abused and neglected children has been siphoned.  This requires justice. For the children, and for us, the taxpayers.  Such malfeasance is a bit more rare these days, but still not unusual with foster care agencies.

A couple agencies come to mind immediately.

Financial corruption invites mistreatment, in one form or another, towards foster children. Such corruption, over time, often ends with a foster child dying.

There is a correlation.

It has happened time, and time again – and shall coninue to happen all too frequently, unless we make changes with honest appraisal.

Joshuaallenonline.com

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Written by joshuaallenonline

June 12, 2013 at 5:00 am

Teens Happy Homes sinking fast.

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The second shoe has begun to drop, and it now appears that Teens Happy Homes will soon be closed.  You can read about it here.

Garett Therolf continues to do stellar work on this story, and it is nice to see the media take an interest in the subject, and do the good investigative work necessary, to bring about a bit of improvement in the lives of the foster children, attached to this agency. This is important stuff.

However, as usual, at other suspect agencies, malfeasance alone, is not enough to warrant many words on the subject, or action by regulators.  Or for that matter, action by law enforcement.

Malfeasance, must be accompanied by child deaths or significant injuries, before any action is taken, to bring some culprits to moderate justice.  

An example of this can be seen with United Care, which was closed a few years ago.  In one of the below recordings given to the Times,  consultant Jorge Gutierrez, when speaking about Craig Woods and United Care, pointed out that it wasn’t the death of Viola Vanclief that caused United Care to be closed.

Rather it was Craig’s “stubbornness” in not paying back the bulk of the money, which the county said, had been illegally siphoned by a former employee.  (Almost $250,000).

At United Care, an innocent toddler was murdered, before malfeasance warranted a heavy hand by the county, which shut down the agency.

Similarly, another agency was shut, fairly recently, accompanied by similar financial wreckage, payments to felons, and encompassed a plethora of  creepy individuals, enough to turn one’s stomach.

However, in the case of this other agency, there wasn’t a lot of child welfare violations.  This circumstance warranted minimal media attention, despite missing funds amounting to hundreds of thousands of dollars.  Not sexy enough?

Things are different with Teens, but why did it take so long?

Part of the real story, is that Teens fiscal audit is not yet completed, after 3 years!  Much of the information should have been acted upon, much earlier.

Sincere kudos, to Ms. Watanabe, who admitted county auditors dropped the ball with Teens.  And yet, officials, and media, were warned, by this author and others, in 2010, regarding many similar allegations.

Malfeasance, as well as child welfare issues, at Teens, were continuously ignored.

But why?

Surely this garbage dump was an open secret.  Social workers, current and previous staff members, must have stiff necks from looking the other way all the time.

Obviously at Teens, and quite clearly, one dare says, at other agencies,  payment for minimal or nonexistent work, occurs with willful blindness, by staff, and regulaters.  In some places, it is blatant.

Ask away!  An arrow shall be pointed, (as continues to be done here), to obvious culprits. Yet, under these circumstances, how could child welfare not suffer?

There are good agencies.  There are hard working social workers, who do such work with nobel intentions.  There are wonderful foster parents, who save children’s lives.

All are tainted, by too many greedy, bad apples.

The warnings, are a broken record.  And the guilty, attack the sources, who are afraid for their jobs, and have learned the hard way, that nothing will be done.

There will be no justice.  Either for the cheated children, or the crooks. Nobody will face criminal charges, let alone be banned from working with abused and neglected children.

Are things different now?  Can they be?

Joshua Allen

Draft of allegations by auditor controller.

Written by joshuaallenonline

May 14, 2013 at 7:48 pm

Teens Happy Homes: The Not So Mighty are Falling

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IMG_0277Teens Happy Homes: The Not so Mighty are Falling:

By Joshua Allen

Big trouble for Teens Happy Homes.  That’s the gist of the article by Times reporter Garett Therolf.  You can find the article here Here:

We once again learn what we already knew.  Teens, is not the sort of place best suited to helping abused and neglected children.

Sadly, the same cast of characters shows up time, and time again, at these places.  Their names are no stranger to these pixels…

Truly, we have been writing, and shouting in the wind, about these and other miscreants for over 3 years.  Nobody seemed to care.

And even those high up on the food chain – very high up – would just tell us, “There was nothing they could do.”

One source of ours used the words “…small potatoes,” when asked why the county officials did nothing to stop, or even discourage such unethical and apparently illegal practices.

We wrote about Beautina Robinson before. Her agency, Teens Happy Homes, is the same agency, where the head of DCFS Browning, is quoted as saying needs to be under a “heightened level of scrutiny.”  After another Times story regarding the murder of the Chinese graduate students near USC.

Dr. Milani and Askari Moyenda, oh dear…. The latter recorded a board meeting, and played the recording for the Times reporter.  Such intrigue!  And why are we hearing these tapes now, three years later?

On tape. Beautina Robinson is heard:

“I’ve taken care of the board that needed it personally, myself, and I would prefer the board, keep it that way.”

Holy Jeepers, is this happening at any other agencies? Yikes!

And then this other stuff.  It’s funny how lawsuits tend to air dirty laundry.  Well a little funny I suppose, unless you are a foster child, in which case it’s not very funny at all, since everyone is busy fighting over, “…a dispute over control of the agency.”  Which, as a distraction, couldn’t have been good for the abused and neglected children.

According to the Times:

“Under the agreement, Moyenda and Milani were called investors.” They were promised the ability to appoint three members of the seven-person board of directors.”  

Yeah, um, okay…   We detest this sort of thing.

The consultant mentioned here: Gutierrez?  Does anyone remember the agency he ran?  Who is his “good friend,” at the auditors office?  What was he told?  And, when was he told it?  Maybe he can send a ‘cease and desist,’ to the LA Times…see how well that works.

There are others. Names joked about with contempt or disgust. They continue to bounce back into the Business of Child Abuse, either here in LA, or with a fresh start and path to riches in another county.  As the old saying goes:  Old corrupt foster agency people don’t fade away, they just end up in San Bernadino.

A question though, why is San Bernadino so desperate for our droppings?

Mr Browning, the head of DCFS is quoted by the times as saying:

 “…that he was startled to learn of the depth of problems at Teens, and that he was enlisting the help of retired homicide detectives to examine allegations of child abuse and financial malfeasance at foster care contractors.”

We believe this, and would be happy to point the way to the more egregious examples, should anyone be interested.  Oh wait…we have… “I’m shocked, shocked, that there is gambling in this casino.”

Our major premise here has always been this.  Child welfare will always suffer when financial irregularities and unethical practices are overlooked as a matter of policy, because, such investigations are difficult, and too hard to prove.

And therefore, this is what you get.  Unfortunately, children had to die, before there was even a chance that officials would take a hard look at the books.

Supervisor Molina’s frustration seems palpable.  Holy gee…we can finally, at last, …end the contract with Teens Happy Homes.”  Sort of, Maybe, Kind of…We’ll see….

After only 10 years of troubles too.  And to think, it only took Wall Street half that long to bring down our economy!

There will now be a mad scramble, an unseemly exhibition actually; where some agencies will solicit, and probably offer some type of compensation, to either social workers or foster parents, in order to garner the revenue stream from the abused and neglected children, who will now be leaving Teens Happy Homes.

We have seen it before, many times.

Written by joshuaallenonline

April 29, 2013 at 8:48 am

Posted in Child Abuse

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If I Wanted Foster Care To Fail:

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Big Government Foster Care: If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail.

The Politics of Child Abuse
By Joshua Allen

I saw a viral video awhile back.  The video has several million hits by now.  You can see the video here http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=CZ-4gnNz0vc
We were inspired a bit, and borrowed the format to our focus on Child Abuse and Foster Care issues.  So with credit and due appropriately proffered, here is our take.

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:

I would create an “Academy,” where new County Social Worker (CSW) applicants train, before working with abused and neglected children.  In this academy, not one applicant would ever flunk out.  Never. Every applicant would pass, and become a CSW, despite idiocy, incompetence and mental illness.

Strange, angry, ignorant, or slow social workers would be mixed in with the competent, stellar, and dedicated. Thus the entire department would be tainted, and appear foolish, because of a few (too many) individuals.

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:

I would make it almost impossible to fire http://articles.latimes.com/2010/oct/29/local/la-me-child-abuse-20101029 any county social worker. Incompetent, or mentally challenged workers, would be transferred to departments and locations where they did minimal harm – for a while.

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:

I would provide as few educational benefits as possible for abused and neglected children. Then foster teens could return home, or age out of the system, with minimal tools and skills.  Numerous foster teens would be homeless or incarcerated. http://blogcritics.org/culture/article/children-aging-out-of-the-foster/
Donations would be solicited from the community , with minimal financial oversight.  Monies set aside for educational purposes would be misspent by unscrupulous executives.  Executives who, with minimal work and even less education, want to be rich overnight.

At rubber chicken affairs, I would trumpet educational achievements of a few hand-picked foster teens that did well, despite horrific adversity.  http://www.nyc.gov/html/acs/html/pr_archives/pr26_07_12.shtml

However,  at the same time, I would ignore  thousands of foster teens who fail to graduate, can barely read, and are almost 4 times more likely to need Special Education.  https://docs.google.com/document/d/1v2t5_QanRAIhCX97XIK1tUfRbE5cRrYCLxaGtlw_Hww/edit

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:

There would be no accountability for foster agency executives to account for their working day. Auditors would examine time cards as if they were recorded by Mother Teresa.  Underlings, or coworkers, would never be questioned to determine if executives actually did anything .

Executives from agencies would be Board Members of their own agency.  Board of Directors would include friends and family, who would  evaluate their own job performances.  Executives would set their own salary, authorize their own bonuses, and dole out contract caseloads to friends and family.  Conflicts of interest would be ignored by county politicians, who with a shrug would say, “There was nothing they could do.”

Gross mismanagement would never be grounds for an executive being removed, or board members being held to account. Never. Taxpayer money would be considered grains of sand.

Not one board member would ever suffer consequences when they knowingly allow a director to mismanage, steal from, or damage foster children.

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:

Social workers would spend the majority of their time on paperwork, documenting the 10% of their time they actually spent helping abused and neglected children.
In reports, social workers would learn to document fake percentages and goals, to demonstrate statistical success.  Measurements, and goals documenting progress, would be obsessed over.  A typical observation would read like this:

“Baby Johnny’ will scream and throw objects once per day rather than 3 times daily, Showing a 75% improvement by the end of this quarter.”
Hundreds of regulations, rules, policies and procedures would be created, which only a retired-in-place bureaucrat could understand.  And policy makers would believe every new rule and bit of paperwork, actually improved the well being of abused and neglected children.

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:

County lawyers would be responsible for a caseload of 200 abused and neglected foster children.   Therefore, many attorneys would do a mediocre job protecting abused and neglected children.

At Children’s Court,  hearings would last 5 minutes.  Birth Parents would meet their lawyers for the first time a few minutes before their hearing. Lawyers for foster children would be paid the lowest hourly rate for any attorney in the county, creating a weak incentive for highly skilled attorneys to engage in child welfare.

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:

Caseloads of Contract Social Workers would not be cross checked across county lines.  Contract social workers will have many cases beyond what is allowed.   Abused and neglected children would then receive minimal contact, or assistance from their social worker.  Those entrusted to monitor such things would turn a blind eye.

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:

I would move abused and neglected children to 4 or more homes during their time in foster care. The norm would be minimal stability, bonding, or nurturing at this horrible time in their lives.

Foster children would be given minimal information regarding their cases or dispositions.  Anxiety and depression, caused by bad policies and apathy, would be typical.

Concepts such as “Fast Tracking,” would be ignored by judges and social workers alike, who give birth parents 3rd, 4th, 5th, even 6th chances over several years. Frequent delays, all in the name of  “keeping the family together,” would do exactly the opposite.

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:

I would believe politicians when they say we are well on the way to fixing things, even though they said the same thing year after year, while hiring 5 new heads of Children’s Services during the past decade, http://californiaschildren.typepad.com/californias-children/2011/08/trish-ploehn-56-chief-of-the-los-angeles-county-department-of-children-and-family-services-is-expected-to-be-reassigned-to.html  while repeating the same old promises we call lies.

I would accept as gospel, policy decisions originating from university and communications think tanks, from ‘scholars’ and ‘experts,’ who live as far away from MLK Blvd, Korea Town and Santa Ana as class and money provide.

A professor or Esteemed Professional who adopted a foster child cared for by nannies, would be a consecrated expert.  Yet the foster parent from Santa Ana, who raised 3 children to productive adulthood, would be locked out of any discussion, because of difficulty with English fluency, problems negotiating a prominent universities map, and difficulty arranging child care for 12 hours.

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:   

In a huge county like Los Angeles I would assign 1 or 2 newspaper reporters, to occasionally cover events regarding foster care, child abuse, and family court.
Foundation publicists, and sideways talking politicos, would control the conversation.  Investigative journalism would be minimized as non-news worthy, ‘solution based journalism’ (Foundation Speak), would rule the Huffingtons.

If I wanted Foster Care to Fail:
Not one birth parent would ever be held legally accountable, for making false accusations against the foster parents who care for their child.  The damage such false accusations cause to children, would be considered a normal part of the business of child abuse.  Lying, and false accusations by a birth parent, would be met by a slight admonishment and lecture, without consequences, or other measures of deterrence.

If I Wanted Foster Care to Fail:

I would teach Foster Children, Foster Parents, and Social Workers to ignore hypocrisy, and accept lies, stupidity, and deceit as a normal part of Children Services, something impossible to change.  I would teach that the only way an idealistic worker could survive and continue, is by accepting defeat.

Pathetic money wasting programs such as “Wrap Around,” and poorly run programs like “Family Preservation,” would never be challenged, or improved.  An alliance of vested financial interests, along with government monitors, who fear answering for their failures, would continue year after year.

Such programs and agencies would provide owners,  a top 1% income, and lifestyle, which the typical foster child, will never know, and only dream of ;  “ …from just across the bay.”

So Basically, it’s this.

If I Want Foster Care to Fail:

I Would Do Nothing at All.     I Would Do Nothing at All.     I Would Do Nothing at All.

Joshua Allen Online
The Business of Child Abuse

Written by joshuaallenonline

September 10, 2012 at 8:57 pm

Child Abuse For Dummies: How to Get your Child Back While Really Trying

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Child Abuse for Dummies: How to Get your Child Back While Really Trying

The Politics of Child Abuse

By Joshua Allen

DCFS Has “Taken your kid.”

(The Talk) 

When social workers come to your home to remove your children:

Put your shirt on before opening the door. And incidentally, how come your shirt is off every time a social worker comes to your home?

If social workers are taking your baby for neglect: Don’t light up a cigarette (or anything else) while they are there and your kids are crying. You can do that when they’re gone. Oh, and don’t make a scene, it’s not good for the children.

Now this is important:

Gather up as many clothes as possible so the social worker can put them in a garbage bag to bring to the foster home. It may be days before your children have a change of clothes. Foster parents should buy or have on hand some clothes right away. But they are busy the first few days, taking your kids to the doctor,specialists, enrolling into school or special needs, visiting shrinks, taking them to children’s court, the dentist, or the offices or a half-dozen other social workers, investigators or lawyers.

And… if your child needs any medicine please make sure the worker gets it before they leave. The latter is a big deal.

Don’t scream or act stupidly in front of the social workers, therapists the judge, anyone else, and especially your children. I know it’s hard, but Really;

Don’t yell, scream or cry!

It doesn’t help your cause. It will add more time to your separation, and frankly, haven’t you screamed enough?

Get the Emergency Workers phone numbers. The Emergency worker is the guy or gal who comes to your home with the cop to remove your children. They know you’re hurting, but be polite. You need their help to learn what your new friends want you to do.

Here is why;  More days than necessary will pass before your child is entered into the data base if the ER Worker is difficult. Nothing happens until your kids become a number in the system. Until then, you will be in limbo before anyone can tell you your child’s status, whom you should call, or where to visit your kids, where to take your classes, drug tests, find shrinks, – or do whatever else the county wants you to do. So be nice.

When you call your social worker (or anyone else), leave one message, or if you really must, two. Don’t do more. I know you want to, but don’t. Really, don’t. Every message beyond a couple is counter-productive. (That means it won’t do you any good).

Your phone message should be direct, clear and polite. Don’t complain, blame, or inventory your problems. It’s probably okay to say you’re concerned and want to do right by your kids. Be concise, leave contact info, (Be sure to have paid minutes on your cell phone), and express gratitude in advance to them for returning your call.

Faux (fake) or not, gratitude goes a long way towards helping your cause, if for no other reason then it differentiates you from all the other angry resentful buzz killers social workers have to deal with on a daily basis.

Remember, your goal is to learn what you need to do, (to get your children back), the best way to do it, where they are, and how frequently you can visit your children. Anything else is unpleasant commentary and won’t help you.

Visitation can be tricky.

Try to work with the foster parents and be reasonable regarding time and distance. If you insist on daily 3-hour-monitored visits close to your home (which will be monitored by the foster parent), your children will probably be moved to another home from the nice one the worker just found at 3:00 am last night. The foster parent just won’t do it. Nobody will.  And nobody beyond the judge – not even your children – want daily-3-hour-monitored-visits a week. This may be new, but try to understand what’s best for your children.

Think about it.

It can’t be good for your kids to be bounced to another home, right? You do get that? It happens a lot and it is just terrible for kids. Yes you want them back, (just like you wanted that rock). But think. The most important thing is to minimize their suffering through this ordeal which if your honest, is most likely your fault.

If the county worker or judge says ‘jump through hoops,’ do it. ‘Jump through hoops!’ Yes sir, no sir, do you want another sir? You know the drill – again, you do want your kids back right? Jump, twist, stand on your head…whatever. It doesn’t matter who is right, not this time.

There is no principle except to be with your children.

Don’t blame the County, the Social Workers, the Judge, the Foster parents, your children, their Teachers, their Doctor, your Neighbor, or ‘the System’ for having your kids ripped from their home. Everyone has heard it a million times and it’s usually a lie – Almost always. Even when it’s true you likely won’t be believed. Instead, look in the mirror. You’ll probably find your answers there.

Important:

If you have two dimes to rub together, GET A LAWYER! Do whatever it takes to get your own lawyer. I can’t stress this enough. If you wait for the one the county provides you’ll be waiting for your kids, maybe for a long time.  In life you get what you pay for, and that includes lawyers. This is not a time to be cheap. You want your children back? Repeat…Get a good lawyer, and pronto. Sell your possessions if you must, (the legal ones), but just do it.  Make the greatest sacrifices of your life.  It’s time.

Basically, the amount of money you spend to reunify with your children is inversely proportional to the amount of time they are away from you. There are many exceptions of course, but how often do you see wealthy kids in foster care?

If you must settle for the county provided attorney offered to you, then it is okay to break the above rule regarding leaving only 2 phone messages, since you may have to call a dozen times before getting a call back, (if you’re lucky).

You’ll probably meet that government provided attorney initially a few minutes before your first hearing at children’s court. And you won’t want to talk much unless they ask a question since they will probably be reading your file for the first time as will the judge the first minute they see your face. Your lawyer will need those precious 5 minutes to read your file before your hearing, so wait until they ask you something.

If you’re a man and you are supposed to stay away from the wife or the children whom you hit, (or worse) then Stay Away. Don’t sneak back to your lady/wife/partner/girlfriend/baby mama, even if she agrees. Yes, they often agree, ( I know, it’s terrible), but stop being selfish.

Take the monitored visits like an adult you are and do what you have to do to be back into your kids’ lives.

Follow the judges rules. Yes, the rules may be unfair, stupid, wrong, or more likely, were put there for all the right reasons. Will fighting court orders get your kids back faster? Has it ever worked for you before?

Go to the meetings, stay clean, and go to those anger management groups or family therapy. Do the 12 steps or whatever. They might work. What’s life without hope?

http://www.huffingtonpost.com/2010/11/08/drunk-mom-arrested-while-_n_780258.html 

And

http://www.tmz.com/2012/01/28/halle-berry-gabriel-aubry-dcfs-anger-management-classes/#.T5rPz6sePGFclasses/#.T43Gz6seOrY

Somehow keep your job, or get one. Clean floors if you have to. “Do the right thing.” And as I previously noted, keep your shirt on. (Actually that goes for ladies too, err… unless that’s your job I suppose). And if the county wants clean piss tests, well…do the impossible, stay clean. How much do love your kids? You keep saying it…

Oh, and don’t scare the social worker, the majority are females and often touchy-feely…they don’t respond well to loud words, anger, 20 phone messages, dozens of emails, lies, threats, resentment or generalized stupidity. And well…yes, occasionally the workers are nuts.

So remember; smooth sailing, that’s what it’s about. Therefore your best move is to be polite, kind, considerate and obsequious. (That means compliant or servile). As far as the system goes, a little honey goes a long way.

It’s unfortunate, but a lot of birth mothers seem to choose a perpetrators warm body in bed over being with their children.

You’re not one of those are you?

If the guy, baby father, boyfriend, husband – whatever – needs to stay away, make him stay away. Call the cops, if you have to move – move! If grandma isn’t allowed visitation then don’t sneak her to your home or to that monitored visit at McDonalds. And if you – yes you – are supposed to stay away until clean, then get clean.

By the way, you should learn to like McDonalds since you’ll be meeting your kids and the monitor there quite a bit. The place should charge a table fee for all the non-paying birth parents they have at their establishments every week. So be polite and buy the lunch for your kids instead of making the foster parent pay. They’re really not getting as much money as you think. And, well, it makes a good impression with both your kids and the foster parents whom you want on your side. (So they tell the social worker what a great parent you are).

When you visit your children, look decent, grooming goes a long way. Show up on time, be polite with the foster family, apologize to your kids, and hug them. Don’t argue with the worker or foster parents in front of them.

Don’t disparage the foster parents, and don’t tell your kids they are returning home right away when you have no bleeping idea. Don’t behave like a jerk in front of them, just stop that type of behavior and wake up.

Don’t tell your kids to lie about how bad the foster home is. It will further damage your children should they be forced to move to another home because of your thoughtlessness and stupidity. It won’t get them back one second faster. It will do the opposite. And everyone including your kids will resent you for it. That may not matter much to you but if you’ve read this far it probably does. And it really stinks.

Walk through Hell-Fire and Brick Walls to get your children back. Isn’t that what good parents do? If this means improve your character, get clean, take classes, get a job, stop tweaking, or find G-d. Then do all those things and really mean it. Show everyone, especially your children, you want to be a better parent.

Take responsibility, it will help you and your children. If you have a problem with the foster home, make a respectful concern to your attorney and the social worker. Don’t make stuff up about the foster home. It won’t speed up reunification and will probably delay it.

Hopefully you haven’t perpetrated too many unspeakable things to your children and they can forgive you. It happens so don’t give up hope. Children want to love their parents, they really do. Give them a reason to.

Don’t forget to apologize to your kids again, and take responsibility. Own it. When appropriate, hug them and tell them you love them. Thank all that’s good and decent for the second chance. There may not be a third, or fourth, or fifth…
And finally, and this is my own take on things and it won’t hurt;

It always helps to pray.

The Business of Child Abuse

Joshuaallenonline.com

Written by joshuaallenonline

April 27, 2012 at 11:24 pm

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